I don't believe in love
And I don't believe in making promises I cannot keep
About two months ago, I pronounced the words that every groom dreams of hearing at the altar:
I don't believe in love and I won't promise to make you happy for the rest of your life
I was around 28 years old when I learned to rationalize love, and realized that I don't believe in the same love as most people talk about.
I understood that love is not a mystical feeling that cannot be explained. On the contrary, I love to rationalize each of the loves I feel, with my feet on the ground and the clarity of how what I love in others relates to who I am. It is so visible to me, the specific reasons why I love the people I love, that it's almost palpable.
Just as it is very clear to me that love does not arise on its own and does not sustain itself without effort.
I don't believe in loving anyone without getting to know them well, without paying close attention to how the other person relates to themselves, to others, and to the world. It is necessary to take the time to remove the projections we make of the scene and make room to observe the other, without those pieces of who we are interfering with the interpretation.
Just as I don't believe that when love is born, it stays. Alone, without effort, just by existing. For me, it is only sustained by the rational choice to love every day - the other person and ourselves.
And with the same certainty that I don't believe in this inexplicable love, I also don't believe in making promises that I cannot keep.
That's why I made sure not to make any promises in my vows that I didn't have 100% control over the delivery - like happiness that is beyond me.
Few words sound as arrogant, or extremely innocent, as 'I promise to make you happy.'
So here's a little of what I could promise:
'What I can promise is to continue being my most sincere self, even with the changes that will come with time, so that you always know who I am and who I am becoming, without surprises or secrets, and with that, we can always be in essence the couple we are today.
I promise to always work on loving myself more so that I can give you even more love.
I promise to take good care of myself so that I can take better care of you.
I promise to work on my pains so that I can help you heal yours.
I promise to always try to live well with myself so that we can live even better together.
I promise to be more myself every day so that we never stop being us.
With you, I learned that love can be light and gentle, and I promise every day to continue choosing the lightness of loving you.'
Two months and counting...