Therefore, every time we decide to have coffee outside, this decision doesn't come without the conviction that we are going to places that serve better things than we make at home - or, when it's a new place, we only visit it after extensive Instagram photo research, after all, every Canadian dollar spent on coffee has to be well invested.

I've listed here my 8 all-time favorites in Vancouver - all within about 2-3km from Downtown - covering the categories of food, coffee, and places to spend time. Hope you enjoy.

1. Yaletown | Small Victory's butter croissant

Small Victory may not be a hidden gem in Vancouver, and there's also a branch in South Granville. However, I've specified the Yaletown location here because of its cozier atmosphere, with outdoor seating where, depending on the time of day, you might even catch a bit of sun (on one of the twelve days when it's not raining in Vancouver).

Undoubtedly, Small Victory's croissant is the best I've ever had - not only in Vancouver but in life. I remember when we went to Paris, we tried some of the most highly ranked croissants, and none matched the same softness and obscene amount of butter as Small Victory's.

The coffee is also delicious, and I still dream of the day I'll try all the phenomenal-looking pastries they sell there. For now, I'll recommend the latte + butter croissant, and then you can let me know what you think of the other dishes.

2. West End | Green Horn's bagel with chive cream cheese (and the eggs benny)

Greenhorn might be one of the coziest cafes for enjoying a coffee on a sunny Sunday morning - even when it's chilly. Located on a quiet street in the West End, it has both outdoor and indoor seating, excellent service, and all the dishes I've tried there are delicious - including the coffee.

My husband Leo always orders the eggs benedict, which is indeed delightful, but I usually go for the bagel with chive cream cheese (made in-house and incredibly flavorful). I add a side of poached eggs and sometimes even have the wit to add a side of mascarpone.

If you do visit on a sunny weekend morning, I recommend arriving between 9-10 to avoid a waitlist - people tend to spend a generous amount of time there once seated.

3. Commercial Drive | Livia's breakfast sandwich and the sourdough (or any bread, really)

Ok this isn't quite in downtown or Mt Pleasant but it's one of my favourites so it had to be here. The breakfast at Livia on Commercial Drive is simply outrageous. And it's not just breakfast - they sometimes serve dinner, and the pastas are equally delicious. However, since this is a post about cafes, let's talk about their breakfast sandwich with a creamy egg in the middle. You can choose to add mortadella, which is a delight. In addition to the breakfast sandwich, I highly recommend their sourdough – always soft to the perfect degree that sourdough can be, and freshly baked on the day.

Livia also tends to have a line for brunch, but don't be discouraged if you arrive and see a lot of people outside - many of them are just waiting for their takeout orders.

4. Mt Pleasant | Coco et Olive's hand and cheese croissant

Coco et Olive on Main St is a delightful option, especially on a sunny day in Vancouver. Grabbing a ham & cheese croissant with a coffee and sitting at the outdoor tables between Coco et Olive and Liberty Bakery (which also has good coffee), then taking a look at the dishes, cloths, vases, and decorations they sell inside, makes for a great Sunday morning activity.

5. Gastown | The best coffee i've ever had, and with the perfect temperature in which coffees should be served

The coffee that Leo, my husband, makes is wonderful, but then there's the coffee from Revolver (hope he doesn't read this). Revolver achieves the perfect milk texture at the right temperature for serving coffee, and they also sell excellent coffee for home brewing. Revolver also has a cozy side room where you can sit with your perfectly temperatured latte, work on your laptop using the wifi, without anyone kicking you out after two hours, having only spent six dollars, and trying to imagine what those hipster folks with laptops in a cafe at 3 pm on a Wednesday do with their lives.

6. Yaletown | Craffles’ Tapioca

For the brazilians feeling nostalgic, there's the delicious tapioca from Craffles on Davie St in Yaletown - right in front of the square. It's a generously filled tapioca - at least for me, one tapioca is already a hearty lunch - and it's made just like in this photo I borrowed from their Instagram. You get to choose the filling from the various options they offer, and with each bite, it brings back a bit of the taste of Brazil.

7. Gastown | Nelson the Seagull's avo toast and pb + jelly toast

I love sitting at one of the communal tables at Nelson the Seagull, enjoying their toasts with a cup of coffee and my laptop. Similar to Revolver, I get the feeling that at every table, there's an interesting conversation happening among fascinating people. That's why it's a great spot for people-watching and eavesdropping too. Their avocado toast is served with the perfect seasoning, and I always recommend adding some poached eggs, which never disappoint. The PB & jelly toast is equally wonderful. Both portions are generous, so I suggest bringing someone along to try both.

8. Mt Pleasant | Le Marché St George's croissant and the pain aux raisin (I can rhyme)

Last but not least - actually, I think it's one of my favorites in the food + ambiance combo - there's Le Marche St George in Mt Pleasant. This little café is on a residential corner, literally a house turned into a cafe (somewhat in the vibe of Arbutus café in Kits, but even cooler), and you have to go without any rush. If it's a sunny weekend, you're likely to face a little line at the counter while you have someone scouting for an outdoor table. The tables and stools are very casual, and it's a somewhat family-oriented place - there are almost always kids and dogs around - a spot to sit, eat without haste, and enjoy the rare Vancouver sunshine.

Everything I've tried there is delicious, but the plain croissant and pain aux raisin (the one in the photo) are a must-try. And yes, order both and have them one after the other.

Phew! That's it. Do you have any cafes to add here? Comment below for me, and let's expand this list together.

Cheers!

Mafê.

I was around 28 years old when I learned to rationalize love, and realized that I don't believe in the same love as most people talk about.

I understood that love is not a mystical feeling that cannot be explained. On the contrary, I love to rationalize each of the loves I feel, with my feet on the ground and the clarity of how what I love in others relates to who I am. It is so visible to me, the specific reasons why I love the people I love, that it's almost palpable.

Just as it is very clear to me that love does not arise on its own and does not sustain itself without effort.

I don't believe in loving anyone without getting to know them well, without paying close attention to how the other person relates to themselves, to others, and to the world. It is necessary to take the time to remove the projections we make of the scene and make room to observe the other, without those pieces of who we are interfering with the interpretation.

Just as I don't believe that when love is born, it stays. Alone, without effort, just by existing. For me, it is only sustained by the rational choice to love every day - the other person and ourselves.

And with the same certainty that I don't believe in this inexplicable love, I also don't believe in making promises that I cannot keep.

That's why I made sure not to make any promises in my vows that I didn't have 100% control over the delivery - like happiness that is beyond me.

Few words sound as arrogant, or extremely innocent, as 'I promise to make you happy.'

So here's a little of what I could promise:

'What I can promise is to continue being my most sincere self, even with the changes that will come with time, so that you always know who I am and who I am becoming, without surprises or secrets, and with that, we can always be in essence the couple we are today.

I promise to always work on loving myself more so that I can give you even more love.

I promise to take good care of myself so that I can take better care of you.

I promise to work on my pains so that I can help you heal yours.

I promise to always try to live well with myself so that we can live even better together.

I promise to be more myself every day so that we never stop being us.

With you, I learned that love can be light and gentle, and I promise every day to continue choosing the lightness of loving you.'

Two months and counting...

CIAO, BELLA

As promised, we are going to bring out the lifestyle blogger in me to this Substack and share the road trip I took with my bf - or should I say fiance - through Italy. And here's the only possible playlist to hear on the background when reading this post.

Ascoltare

The plan is not to plan.

We always knew that our trip to Italy would be the first of many, which is why instead of trying to see a little bit of everything in the country, we decided to thoroughly visit just one region. For this first trip, we chose Sicily, but we also ended up exploring a little bit of Tuscany and made a few stops in other cities along the way. Come with me, and I'll explain it to you.

Dates

The dates we chose to go were quite intentional: from mid-May to the end of the first week of June, finishing our trip just before the heat and summer holidays began. This decision was great because, besides avoiding the scorching heat, we also managed to get the tours and Airbnb accommodations at a lower cost compared to a few days later. I highly recommend it.

Planning

The only things we had planned besides the round-trip flight (we chose Milan simply because it was the cheapest option) were two nights in Milan, the flight from Milan to Palermo, and two nights in an Airbnb in Palermo. Everything else, we decided a few days in advance.

The intentional lack of planning has two very positive aspects:

• Traveling according to the weather forecast

One of the best parts of having little planning is the flexibility to adapt plans as you wish, especially when there is a chance of rain. So every day, we would check the weather forecast for the cities we planned to visit. It was due to the rain forecast in Western Sicily that we ended up changing the order of cities and only encountering sunny weather wherever we went.

• Staying as long or as little as you want in each city

No matter how much you read online or hear about other people's experiences with their trips, you will always find different opinions and form your own each time you visit a place.

I remember that before deciding where we were going, I did a poll on my Instagram about Rome, and I saw that some people hated Rome and recommended staying "only two days to see the tourist spots," while others loved Rome and said to stay for at least 5-7 days (in the end, I only spent a couple of hours in Rome this time, but I already realized that I belong to the second group of people).

Since our experiences are always unique, it's wonderful to be able to give ourselves an extra day somewhere (hello, Taormina) or decide not to spend the night in a city that was originally on the itinerary (Italy is full of charming little towns that are great to explore for an afternoon, but I honestly didn't see the need to stay longer than that).

Car rental

We knew that the trip would involve driving around Sicily, so upon arriving in Milan, we already booked the car for Palermo with a week-long rental. For this reservation, we used one of those websites like rentcars.com that compare prices among various car rental companies. However, I absolutely do not recommend the company we chose - viaggiare - because they were extremely inflexible, had poor communication, and were not located within the Palermo airport (it took over an hour for the rental company's van to show up at the airport to pick us up). I always recommend choosing a rental company that is located within the airport or a well-known, larger rental company, as they usually have better infrastructure and communication.

Roteiro

Conhecer bem a Sicília era a prioridade dessa viagem, por isso o nosso único "roteiro” era pegar o avião de Milão pra Palermo, e lá mais pra frente a gente decidiria quando e como voltar pra Milão.

No fim acabamos conhecendo tudo o que queríamos da Sicília em uma semana e decidimos pegar um vôo pra Napoles e dirigir de Napoles até Milão parando na Toscana no caminho.

O roteiro ficou assim (senta que é longo):

• Chegamos em Milão e ficamos duas noites batendo perna por lá e pegamos um vôo pra Palermo.

• Em Palermo dormimos 2 noites - uma delas em Carini que fica do lado do aeroporto porque achamos um airbnb delícia de frente pro mar. Nessa noite jantamos em Castellammare del Golfo que fica uns 40 min dali e vale super a pena conhecer.

• Fomos conhecer San Vito Lo Capo mas esse dia choveu tanto, a ponto de acabar a luz do restaurante e sem nenhuma perspectiva de melhora, que decidimos ir pra Erice.

• Chegamos em Erice e era uma dessas cidades que é uma graça, delicia de passear a tarde toda lá, mas não tinha muita coisa pra fazer, então tocamos viagem pra dormir e acordar em Agrigento.

• Dormimos uma noite em Agrigento que é uma graça de cidadezinha. O dia seguinte todo passamos conhecendo o Vale dos Templos que é um passeio de algumas horas (levem protetor solar e água).

• De lá fomos pra Taormina que a gente imaginava que seria o highlight da viagem - e com certeza foi um deles. Taormina é uma delícia de ficar e conhecer e passear pela cidadezinha. Nos programamos pra ficar duas noites lá a princípio e acabamos ficando 4. Eis porquê…

No nosso primeiro dia em Taormina descemos pra praia (que não é super agradável por ser pequena, lotada de gente, e aquela praia de pedrinha que a europa adora) então decidimos fazer um tour de barco pelas cavernas. Em uma das voltas que o barco deu vimos um hotel incrível com uma praia particular e uma piscina que dava pro mar. Como pesquisar não paga, o Leo decidiu ver quanto custava e descobriu que por algum motivo a diária de domingo pra segunda tava super em conta. Então estendemos mais um dia no nosso hotel triste pra poder ficar ate Domingo e mudar pra esse hotel. Foi um dia incrível, com certeza o melhor da viagem toda, que começou com uma aula de canolli de manhã no centrinho de Taormina, um early check-in no hotel com dia de praia, piscina e muitos drinks, e terminou com um noivado. Por isso eu digo: não tenham medo de olhar no trivago os hotéis que vocês tem curiosidade de saber o preço, mesmo que pareça muito além. As vezes a vida (e o capitalismo) surpreendem a gente. O hotel chama Una Capotaormina e eu recomendo ele de olhos fechados (melhor café da manhã da vida também - e com vista pro Etna).

Itinerary

Getting to know Sicily was the main priority of this trip, so our only "itinerary" was to take a flight from Milan to Palermo, and later on, we would decide when and how to return to Milan. In the end, we managed to see everything we wanted in Sicily in one week and decided to take a flight to Naples and drive from Naples to Milan, stopping in Tuscany along the way.

Here's how the itinerary looked (brace yourself, it's long):

• We arrived in Milan and spent two nights exploring the city before taking a flight to Palermo.

• In Palermo, we stayed for 2 nights - one of them in Carini, which is close to the airport because we found a delightful Airbnb right by the sea. That night, we had dinner in Castellammare del Golfo, which is about a 40-minute drive away and definitely worth visiting.

• We planned to visit San Vito Lo Capo, but it rained so heavily that day, to the point where the restaurant lost power and there was no sign of improvement, so we decided to go to Erice instead.

  We arrived in Erice, a charming town where we enjoyed strolling around in the afternoon, but there wasn't much to do, so we continued our journey to sleep and wake up in Agrigento.

• We stayed one night in Agrigento, which is a lovely little town. The next day, we spent the entire day visiting the Valley of the Temples, which is a few hours' excursion (remember to bring sunscreen and water).

• From there, we went to Taormina, which we imagined would be the highlight of the trip - and it definitely was one of them. Taormina is delightful to stay in and explore, with its charming streets. We initially planned to stay for two nights but ended up staying for four. Here's why...

• On our first day in Taormina, we went down to the beach (which wasn't very pleasant due to its small size, crowded with people, and the pebble beach that Europe seems to love), so we decided to take a boat tour through the caves. During one of the boat rides, we saw an incredible hotel with a private beach and a pool overlooking the sea. Since it doesn't hurt to do some research, Leo decided to check the price and found out that, for some reason, the rate for Sunday to Monday was surprisingly affordable. So, we extended our stay at our current hotel for one more day in order to stay until Sunday and then switched to this amazing hotel. It was an incredible day, undoubtedly the best of the whole trip, starting with a cannoli class in the morning in the center of Taormina, an early check-in at the hotel with a day of beach, pool, and plenty of drinks, and ending with an engagement. That's why I say: don't be afraid to check the prices of hotels you're curious about on Trivago, even if they seem way beyond your budget. Sometimes life (and capitalism) surprises us. The hotel is called Una Capotaormina, and I highly recommend it (best breakfast ever, with a view of Mount Etna too).

  

• We left Taormina and headed to Catania, which is a rather okay city, and I wouldn't recommend including it in the itinerary because there's nothing special about it (aside from the typical Sicilian chaos when it comes to parking and traffic that didn't make me miss São Paulo). We ended up staying there for two days because our goal was to visit Mount Etna, but we couldn't due to the threat of rain, which led to the cancellation of the tours.

• From Catania, we went to Syracuse, specifically to Isola di Ortigia. It's a peninsula at the tip of Syracuse and the most charming thing I've ever seen. It has a typical small Italian town center with a coastline full of restaurants, bars, a castle (as always), a street market, and the beautiful sunset as always. We didn't get to explore Syracuse properly, but from what little I saw, I feel that if you're going there, it's worth staying in Ortigia and enjoying the area. Since we had to return the car in Palermo the next day to catch a flight, we couldn't stay longer, but if I could, I would have extended one more night there.

• From Palermo, we flew to Naples to rent another car and continue the journey. I won't spend many words talking about Naples. The city didn't attract me at all, not in the slightest. I read some articles from people who love Naples, talking about the beauty that exists in chaos - and if you've been following me for a while, you know that I love finding beauty in the imperfection and impermanence of things - but during this one-day visit to Naples, all I could really see was chaos. Maybe I'll give the city a second chance when I return to Italy and visit the Amalfi Coast #goals.

• We left Naples and drove towards Tuscany with a strategic stop to have lunch and spend 2 hours in Rome (which I barely know but already want to go back and stay longer). We decided on the region of Tuscany and the Airbnb along the way. At that moment, Airbnb and hotels in Florence were incredibly expensive, so we decided to choose a region far from there, with a strong preference for staying in Montepulciano or Chianti simply because we love both wines. It was by luck that I found the most charming Airbnb in Monticchiello, a tiny little village (but with 3 Michelin-starred restaurants), about 15 minutes from Montepulciano, which is delightful to spend the day, and about 30 minutes from Montalcino.

• For wine enthusiasts, I'll let you know that if you want to do a wine tour or a wine pairing lunch at wineries, you need to book in advance. Since we only wanted to drink and enjoy without extensive explanations, it was easier for us because several wineries accept visitors without reservations. So, I highly recommend the winery we visited in Montalcino, which was incredible because it is the only biodynamic winery in Italy with absolutely no external intervention. We were assisted by an Italian woman of Brazilian descent who spoke the cutest Portuguese I've ever heard, and we tasted amazing wines. The winery is called Avignonesi.

• We also did a Brunello di Montalcino tasting at another winery, but the service and the format of the wine tasting were so poor that I won't recommend it. However, if you enjoy full-bodied wines, it's definitely worth doing some research and booking in advance.

• We spent two nights in Monticchiello and then headed to a small town near Florence to spend one night. Along the way, we decided to find a nice place for lunch. By chance, I discovered an incredible winery called Antinori nel Chianti Classico, which had a wonderful outdoor restaurant called Rinuccio. Luckily, we managed to secure a reservation for that day (the other available slots were for a month later). We enjoyed a relaxing meal, savoring a delicious bisteca Fiorentina with a bottle of Chianti, and then continued our journey. We made a stop in Florence to explore, and I fell in love with the city. I definitely have to return there to fully experience it.

• After a quick lunch stop in Bologna, we rushed to make it in time for a guided tour at a Parmigiano Reggiano farm/factory (definitely a Leo Naka idea), and then we drove to Milan to spend one final night before catching our return flight and manages to grab dinner on the flor in front of a wonderfully lit Duomo di Milano. Phew!

Of all these places that we passed through quickly, I would have stayed one more night in Isola di Ortigia because I fell in love with that place (and the day we spent there I had a terrible bout of rhinitis and couldn't fully enjoy it), and I will definitely return to Italy to spend at least 5 days in Rome and around 3-5 days in Florence, not to mention all the other countless places I still want to visit.

There's so much to take in, right? Well, if it helps, I made a little map with our route. The green lines represent the flights we took, while the pink and purple lines represent the segments we traveled by car.

The "fish" shape in Sicily was intentional because we wanted to take advantage of the sunny forecast in Taormina, so we placed it at the beginning of the itinerary. However, the distances between cities in Sicily are so small that it doesn't make much difference in terms of driving time.

I hope your trip was wonderful and that you created incredible memories during your time in Italy. If you have any more questions or need further assistance, I'm here to help!

And how much this whole thing cost?

This is the burning question. So if you've read this far and want to know the total cost and show your support for this extra work I do :) leave your comment down below, and if there is enough interest, I'll bring you the costs. Thank you!

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I arrived from Italy today after two flights with the air conditioning blasting, drying out my nose at 5 in the morning - and by the time I got home, it was already time to start a 4-hour virtual meeting. But here I am, writing to you guys, with one of the many epiphanies that came to me during the trip. To accompany this reading, I'll share a playlist that I listen to when I don't want to hear anything (as in: minimalist piano). Great for relaxing - and sometimes expanding - the mind.

Play

Is spontaneity a matter of creating courage or a matter of being?

Have a sit because today's story is a long one...

The invitation to move to Canada came in 2019, the day after I ended a four-year relationship. I had just arrived in Toronto for a month-long coaching program when, in the midst of that morning, my boss suggested that there might be a position for me in Vancouver. Five weeks later, on my last day in Toronto, and after two glasses of mimosa at brunch with her, the official invitation was made.

- Where is this city located? Is it nice?

- It's on the other side of the country. It's not as cold in winter or as hot in summer as Toronto.

- Well, okay then. What are the terms?

- You have to move in two weeks. That's the time to go to São Paulo and deal with selling your apartment.

The option of not taking the job hadn't even crossed my mind. I had nothing to lose and nothing holding me back in Brazil. I loved my life in São Paulo, but over time I learned that I have the ability to build the life I love anywhere I go - and there's nothing more poetic than starting a new love life in a completely different country.

Too bad no one had told me that Vancouver is possibly one of the worst places to be single (I could talk for hours about it, but it has to be live and with a glass of wine).

But among several bad experiences and wrong dates, there came someone who was right for the moment.

He was Canadian, a bit older, very mature, and incredibly polite by Brazilian standards (regular polite by Canadian standards). We agreed to meet at the beach near my place to have a chat. He asked how I liked my coffee, and since I didn't respond in time, he brought me two so that I could choose.

A few days later, he invited me to dinner. He picked me up from the doorstep of my apartment with flowers for me, and because he wasn't sure if I had a vase at home, he brought one too. Our dates were always different. One moment, we would go for a bike ride around False Creek at sunset, another moment, it was brunch at a restaurant or enjoying wine on the balcony. Always with a flower, a candle, good conversation, and kind words.

But I always felt that there was something there that bothered me, something that later I realized also caused me a bit of insecurity. But at the time, I couldn't pinpoint what it was.

Until one random Monday, I was exchanging messages with Helen, a Canadian friend I met through work, trying to arrange a sunset wine gathering. I wrote to her asking if Wednesday was a good day, and she replied, "Sure, Wednesday the 12th works great for me."

Wednesday the 12th was in three weeks.

As I laughed at this excessive planning, I realized that was what bothered me about Matt - everything had to be planned well in advance, and there was no room for spontaneity whatsoever.

Not surprisingly, three months later, he broke up with me through a text message that implied we were on different pages in that relationship.

He interpreted my spontaneity as excessive attachment, and I interpreted his lack of spontaneity as lack of interest.

That message devastated me. I spent two days crying, completely unproductive until I realized that I hadn't fallen in love with the person; I had fallen in love with the romance.

I liked Matt for three months and a few bunches of flowers.

But I understood that the person, no matter how kind and interesting, was lacking something that I had in excess, and it wasn't my place to try to change that in him: spontaneity.

Having understood the root of my suffering, I stopped feeling pain and started feeling instant relief. Because now I had identified that spontaneity was a non-negotiable characteristic of the partner I wanted for myself - which gave me even more knowledge to recognize him when he appeared in my life.

And then Leo came along.

***

Nothing in our beginning was linear. But when the curves started to straighten out, the romance came: the flowers, the trips together, the wines, the conversations, the sunsets on the beach - and along with all of that, the shared interest in planning as little as possible and let life surprise us.

It was over a plate of pasta on a winter day that we decided to take a road trip from Vancouver to Los Angeles along the Golden Coast in two weeks' time.

It was in that same restaurant, while sipping on a bottle of wine on empty stomachs, that we decided to go to Brazil for about three months followed by a road trip through Sicily.

And it was at some point during those three months in Brazil that he agreed to move to Rio because out of nowhere, I stumbled upon a work opportunity that made sense to me.

For us, getting into a car with very little planned and one of us driving while the other researches the next destination and where we'll eat and sleep became quite common. And it was with that spontaneity that we embarked on our 18-day trip through Italy - and with that same spontaneity, he proposed to me on a beautiful night in Taormina on June 4th.

Since we've been together, we've heard many comments about how brave we are for making quick decisions, doing things without much planning, and taking leaps of faith.

***

As I was contemplating the theme of this newsletter, I received a message from a friend who has been a bit distant in recent years. She shared that she and her husband left their home and life in the countryside of São Paulo to move to Mato Grosso and start a clinic.

"I was inspired by you when we left everything behind and came here, and I always say that it's from here to the world, if it doesn't work out. We have to be free and seize opportunities. You and my friend who moved to the USA are my life inspirations."

Coincidentally, I read this text on Substack last week on about making an effort to be more spontaneous, and this part caught my attention (in free translation):

I lack spontaneity and lightness. You know that "Let's go?" - "Let's go!" kind of attitude? Well, I've never had it, and I get quite irritated when I find myself approaching the moment and needing to unplan.

***

The curious thing is that I always thought the easiest path was that of spontaneity. Because I find it a lot more challenging to have a plan and stick to it than to improvise. In fact, I've even questioned to what extent I am spontaneous as an excuse to avoid committing to things that bring long-term results.

Of course, right now I'm not referring to the spontaneity of delightful trips or impromptu encounters with people.

But you know that thought, "life is too short..."? It's good in homeopathic doses, but when I abuse it, it becomes nothing more than an excuse for a lack of commitment to certain plans.

All of this has led me to revisit the theme of discipline and how we can bring lightness to it while still being conscious of its weight as work. But, of course, that's a topic for the next newsletter.

The question I leave for you today to help me answer is: Is spontaneity, within the given privileges, a matter of courage or a matter of being?

Are you spontaneous, and if you weren't, do you think you can change? And if you do change, do you think it will bring you any benefits?

Comment below or, as you seem to prefer, over on Instagram. I'll gather all of this to bring more musings on lightness, spontaneity, and discipline in the next edition.

Sicily by car

Yesterday, I promised on Instagram to bring the requested influencer-style tips for the trip to Sicily and the purchases I made during these days in Italy.

I'm here, gathering everything I have that I consider useful to share, but it will be much easier if you help me answer:

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Today I'm writing straight from southern Italy to share thoughts about Montepulciano (the wine, not the region) with you. People would say that in the end, I'm talking about balance, but the truth is that balance comes to people in different ways, and today's reflection is a small piece of what balance means to me. I hope you enjoy it. Oh, and the only possible playlist for today's newsletter is this one, of course:

suonare la playlist

RENEGADE: Thoughts on lightness with Montepulciano, wind on the face, and tired feet.

Everything I do in my life is to always bring me back to this moment I am living as I write this. When I sit down to rest my tired feet after walking 10km exploring an unknown city, with a glass of chilled wine in hand, not even knowing what time it is or what day of the week it is, and knowing that apart from a flight here, a accommodation there, the next few days are blank pages.

There are few sensations more delightful than at the end of a day filled with new experiences, taking a hot bath, allowing myself to wear something different from my usual basic stuff, dining at a local restaurant, drinking a few glasses of wine, and riding a rented scooter through the city at night, with a gentle breeze against my face. Living the spontaneity of changing my route and entering a bar that seems nice, engaging in conversations with locals who haven't yet realized I don't speak their language, and when I lay my head on the pillow, reviewing everything that happened during the day without the fear of not being able to sleep due to an anxious mind.

If anything, the only anxiety I tend to get when I'm vacationing comes from strategizing how to fit everything back into the suitcase for the journey home and making random plans for the future.

I love thinking about the future when I feel detached from it. The mental space of a trip is almost like a pit stop in the passage of time that always fills me with inspiration.

• I never solve so many work-related things when I am away from it.

• I never make so many good plans for myself as when I am far from my routine.

• I never have such clarity about how I want to live my life as when I am living in a different place.

It's almost like when we stop thinking about a problem, the answer comes.

I remember a day in my therapist's office when I arrogantly declared, with the belief that I had already figured everything out about myself in my twenties, that I knew I was born to live a life of constant travel and that "this was what was missing in my life." Fabio let out an almost imperceptible sigh and gave me a half-smile, as if he had heard this speech many times from other twenty-somethings like me. He presented well-constructed arguments that I couldn't refute in the weeks following that session. He showed me that this was a childish and fantastical thought of the person I thought I wanted to be, and that for me, building roots and a pleasant routine would bring far more answers than constantly fleeing from that structure.

Now, in my thirties, with a bit more clarity about who I am and the certainty that I still have much to learn - but with many more trips under my belt - I know that what makes this moment I'm living, on a plane between Milan and Palermo, more enjoyable is experiencing the other side of it for the majority of the year. The side of productivity and routine, of daily challenges, the satisfaction of overcoming them, occasionally complaining about work or Sundays, or having to think about what to have for dinner after a 12-hour journey, and the possibility of executing all those plans that were made with a hotel pillow as my companion.

Without all of this, this pause wouldn't be as enjoyable. If I lived a constant life of travel, that would be my norm, and how sad it would be to sit in front of the Duomo in Milan with a bowl of stracciatella and a glass of Montepulciano, feeling... nothing. Perhaps even longing for the normality that everyone complains about.

It is through having lived in various places and valuing the return home each time, creating a home and a routine that bring me joy, that I have learned to embrace the lightness of life even when it feels heavy.

Creating a light routine, a light relationship with myself, and even a job where the pressure itself comes with a sense of lightness, co-creating a light-hearted relationship with someone who embraces spontaneity and travels with me.

The irony is that my eternal quest for lightness does not come without hard work, but it is a path worth choosing - and whenever we lose our way, we can always return to where we left off.

I highly recommend it.

PS: If you've been following this journey on my Instagram and want to know more details about the itinerary, costs, etc., drop me a "ciao" below and I'll get it done.

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Welcome to the first edition of The Renegade Collective in the new version.

Today, I bring some words from a writer friend that I read a few weeks ago and that came back to me while I was biking through Rio. While writing my thoughts there was this one song in my head that you will hear while reading this edition. Don't forget to pour yourself some fresh black coffee, get into your pigeon pose, hit play, and read along with me.

PLAY

RENEGADE: The comfort I wish I had achieved years ago.

You know those friends that life gives you by a stroke of luck, whom you haven't seen in a long time, but the conversation and connection remain alive? I have one of those, and he is an incredibly sensitive writer. These days, I had the privilege of receiving a text from him, with a very intimate account that made me shed more tears than the Nossa Senhora da Paz subway station had ever seen before. And the first tear trickled down when I read this sentence:

“I thought about the younger version of myself that would accept hideous situations in exchange for some attention. Of how much I fought for some people to accept me. I started to miss everything I didn't live".

If you read my last newsletter or follow me on Instagram, you already know that I recently accepted a super challenge with an amazing Brazilian fashion brand and returned to work in retail. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you can read more about it here.

Last week, I started as the head of retail at Haight, and I had to rush to Rio with just a carry-on suitcase a few days earlier to make it to the office on time for my first day. After an intense week of work - and a Saturday visiting stores and buying clothes to update my wardrobe and complete my brand's look - I took Monday, a public holiday, to cycle around, enjoy the sun at the beach, and have a day without many plans.

The thing is, even after all those shopping trips, I found myself with just a pair of shorts and a top to spend a summer holiday in Rio, and that's exactly what I wore. I cycled around with my sunscreen and my hair blowing in the wind for several kilometers until my body started complaining about the ridiculously low amount of water I drink each day, so I stopped to have a refreshing drink at a café.

I dropped off my Itaú bike at a random station near the beach, ordered my iced latte, and went to the bathroom to wash my hands while waiting for my order. That's when I looked at myself in the mirror, and I saw the oily shine on my face, the blemishes on skin that had been protected with a non-tinted sunscreen, the bangs that had gone in the wrong direction with all the wind I faced, but most of all, I saw the little belly that squeezed between the tightness of my only pair of shorts and the top I was wearing.

And within all of this, what surprised me the most was that I found myself beautiful.

I realized that the reflection in the mirror, which would typically lead to restlessness for the rest of my day, along with regret for not having packed foundation and dry shampoo in my bag, and a feeling of inadequacy, was overshadowed by the dose of vitamin D that my body had been able to produce in the past few days, the sense of a well-deserved day off after a productive week, the happiness of feeling valued in an environment where I recognize myself as a professional, the satisfaction of being who I am today in this exact moment and place in my life, and the freedom of knowing that I am my best company even when I am alone for some time. Finally, in my thirties, I managed to recognize in myself the external beauty as a reflection of what is within.

Immediately, the first thought that came to mind when I realized I wasn't bothered by the messiness of that reflection was, "Why did it take me so long to get here?"

It was inevitable to feel sadness for the "things I didn't experience" out of fear of being seen.

(I've already talked a little bit about my self-esteem issues in this post)

If you're reading this and you're still in your twenties, you might roll your eyes at the next sentence, but there's such a comfortable space we create in our mid-thirties that I wouldn't trade for any late night parties from my mid-twenties.

***

In a few months, I'll be turning 35, and I decided to research what marks the sixth seven-year period of a woman's life. Here's what I read:

The archetype of this seven-year period is the knight who walks alongside their horse, demonstrating a greater balance between reason and emotion. The journey now allows us to look back on a part of the story we have already lived.

We contemplate the past, seeking to identify lessons for the present and the future. We connect with our internal baggage, and with that, a new question emerges:

What do I leave behind, and what do I carry with me on my journey from here onwards?

Thinking of life as a grand voyage, we are currently like wanderers. This period invites us to take a pause, to feel what we truly desire from now on.

This desire is deeply rooted within us. Yes, it is our essence pulsating, wanting to pursue what truly makes sense, transcending the "musts," the choices, and the roles that have been constructed, followed, and maintained throughout life, which may no longer fit us.

If we view the crisis as a point of transition and development, there is a strong desire for freedom and authenticity in relation to oneself and one's own choices.

A need to live in alignment with our internal beliefs grows. Existential questions intensify, as after going through phases focused more on the external and on having, our Being asks for more space within us to guide us towards our purpose.

I'm far from being the most self-assured person you've ever met. I still struggle with the mirror for the same reasons as in adolescence, even though I now know that it doesn't help at all and doesn't prove my worth. Many times, I genuinely suffer because I'm not externally who I truly wish to be, and because I lack the willpower to do what I think I need to become that person. And then I wipe away the tears and realize that all of this is the least important part of me, and I realize that my self-esteem is much more built upon all the other parts of myself that I've developed over the years and learned to love.

And it's a cycle. It comes and goes, and each time it comes, it loses strength, loses the weight of importance until it occupies such a smaller place that it leaves room for me to lovingly contemplate the reflection in the mirror, even when all I see is chaos. And the tendency is for that space to become much larger. And so, in another thirty-four and a half years, when the discomfort no longer exists, I will finally understand from experience the waste of time that this concern is.

May we continue to care less and less, and may the sadness for the things we haven't experienced out of fear of being seen transform into pride as we realize how far we've come.

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I hope you enjoyed this edition of The Renegade Collective. If you want to continue the conversation or suggest any topics, feel free to reply to this email.

- Mafe

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This is a very special edition of The Renegade as I have exciting life updates. So here's one of my favourite playlists to you. I encourage you to press play, pour in some black coffee, get on your pidgeon pose and read along...

PLAY

RENEGADE - ON EARNING THE FREEDOM TO COME AND GO

A bit over a year ago I left my full time job as a senior regional manager in the beauty industry to pursue a career in photography (and if you follow me long enough, you've already heard this a million times)

Photography was a new hobby to me back then but it only took me a few gigs to realize how wonderful and fulfilling could a career of photographing others be.

And indeed it is.

I came up with a game plan to learn all the skills I felt i had to: colour harmony, composition, camera settings, lighting, business, customer workflow, pricing, strategy, service sales and the list qoes on. I put together a mindset and financial strategy that allowed me to leave my full time job and pursue photography. I even launched a course about it and have been helping others to do the same. I travelled, I became more resilient, I learnt how to be my own boss - rest when I needed and work harder when I had to. I also beat myself up quite a lot (as we do) - I'm not good enough, what am I doing, who do I think I am were some of the thoughts that crossed my mind frequently.

Luckily I had enough mindset work, therapy work and a very supporting partner that helped me stay on track.

And on track I have been most of the time, with the occasional missteps, for the past year. And of all the things I've learnt and built for myself on the course of this journey, the biggest one was freedom.

When I left my job as a senior regional manager in the beauty industry I gained all of these learnings and autonomy I mentioned before but I also lost the thing that kept me there for all of this time which is the ability to develop people and help others go as further as they wish to.

Which is why I launched a course and offered coaching calls to others who wish to make the leap to a solo career, and why I continued to dedicate some of my time to work as a consultant for upscale retailers and help like minded businesses and brands grow in the human aspect of things - inside and out. And in this process I was offered an exciting strategic position in a brand I admire so much, at the city I love the most and with the exact amount of challenging for this moment in my life.

Today I move to Rio to embrace a whole new chapter of the life I created for myself that will allow me to live the best of both worlds:

• working on the growth strategy for this beautiful brand while developing people and building up solid and fulfilled teams

• while continuing to meet inspiring women and telling their story through photography in Brazil's most inspiring landscape

Rio, I'm coming.

And while photography remains a full-time passion and a part-time giq, I'm coming back to corporate as Head of Retail to a beautiful Brazilian beachwear brand (can you guess which one?)

If you've been following me for my career journey, here's what I can tell you: keep pursuing your big leap into the career you dream of. It might be your end goal, or it might be a stepping stone to something higher and hotter or vou might have no idea of what it will be just yet.

Just know that wherever the wind blows you, the process will bring you growth and freedom to come and go wherever you like. And there's nothing more freeing than having autonomy over our life.

The next newsletter will be written with an ocean view.

Until then, stay safe and keep going.

I hope you enjoyed this edition of The Renegade Collective. As always, I'm so grateful for your support and love having this opportunity to serve you in the inbox. If you ever want to suggest a topic for discussion feel free to reply to this e-mail :)

- Mafe

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At that time I would hear a lot of other photographers and artists saying that you should look at other people's work as an inspiration but not to copy them - and I'll be honest to say that I had no idea what the difference was when it came to planning my photoshoots and get to the final result.

It took me a while to get it. Learning the difference between copying and being inspired by was a construction. So I'm here today to share with you my learnings in case you also don't know the difference in a practical sense:

Let me begin by saying that comparison is a good thing.

I hear so many (so many) people saying that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others but I strongly and polemically disagree to that statement.

I truly believe that comparing the quality of my delivery to professionals who are better than me - please note that ‘better’ is a personal opinion - keeps the bar high. And personally, to me, I will always strive for better and, in a healthy way, I won't ever settle for what I'm currently doing. When and if I ever settle, it means it's time to change careers again.

However, looking at others’ work requires a certain level of emotional intelligence - particularly self-awareness, so you don't fall into two traps:

• Practice excessive comparison to a point that instead of making you push yourself it just makes you question yourself too much into not being good enough instead of focusing on your craft

• Attempt to copy other artists’ work and loose all your personal work - and, eventually, value

Know how to use comparison

I have a list of the photographers and educators I highly look up to as I believe that not only their product and work is wonderful but also the relationship they've built with their work and how they carry themselves. I truly see them as accomplished individuals aside from just being terrific professionals, and that is what I ultimately strive for.

But instead of looking at them as an unachievable standard, I look at them as references and as a clear path to where I want to go. I rationalize each and everything that I like about them as a professional and individuals and I make a list of what makes me perceive them that way and what are the things I need to work on to get to that same level in each of those categories.

• Some of them inspire me for their sensibility which is quite subjective, and while I know my sensibility will never be the same as theirs since I have my own unique way of looking at life and love, it still makes me want to continue to work more into refining it.

• Some of them inspire me for more practical aspects of their work - such as how they edit their greens or use depth of filed in photography - which makes me challenge myself in upcoming photoshoots to see if the same approach would personally work for me.

• Some of them inspire me for how chilled they are in business and their relationship with money, which made myself work hard on changing my scarcity mindset around money so I can have a more relaxed and abundant perspective on it

When I put this list together I have a roadmap to improve my craft and lifestyle into what I want to achieve, and that on its own is half of my business strategy for a whole year.

Know how to make it your own

Looking back now at my earliest work it is very clear to me each time I was trying to copy someone's style as opposed to when I was just following my instincts and doing my own work. I can see it in the way I posed my subjects, in how much grain I added to the photos, in how I played with reflections and flares. Unsurprisingly, all of the times I tried to copy someone instead of be inspired by them, as a result I have a very unnatural look in all those photos that, to me, screams unoriginal.

That's because I was bluntly copying specific concepts and ideas instead of using them to inspire my work and make it my own way of using the same concepts and ideas.

This is where the big difference between copy and inspiration lies.

When I think about this topic the December 2022 US Vogue cover comes to mind. It's the one that Annie Leibovitz photographed Jennifer Lopez inspired by Gordon Parks’s iconic photo essay of the legendary performer Eartha Kitt (LIFE, 1952). Here are the two images for ‘comparison’:

These two photos blow my mind for them each being unique in a style and context in which they are built on while having the absolute same overall look.

In this particular case, Annie Leibovitz' work is a re-interpretation and a homage in which the elements that were copied are intended to be quite literal. But you can also see Annie's personal style and her perception of fashion and luxury equally applied on her interpretation of Gordon Park's photo.

Learn to find inspiration from other sources

Regardless if you're an artist, a life coach, an accountant or a nutritionist. Finding inspiration shouldn't be limited to other people in your field, instead when we are able to be inspired by other professionals, entities, forms of arts, we amplify our library of references and diversify our deliveries.

The thing with inspiration is that it can be very subjective and while you may not have an immediate idea after reading a classic novel, watching a cult movie or studying medieval art history, you are still broadening your perception over all kinds of subjects that will play its part when the time comes.

Not every single thing you see or do will become and actual bright idea in the future, but together they will tailor your unique perception of the world and make any ideas and creations your own unique stamp.

Let yourself be surprised by how much a good novel, a therapy session, a run in the park, a new Spotify playlist of musicians you don't even know or simply taking a new road when driving to work can amplify your perceptions and eventually bring you a bright new idea - even though you can pinpoint its source.

What are some ways, places and people you find your inspirations? I will love to know and feature on next editions of The Renegade.

Thinking back to when I was a child and my relationship with myself and my body I remember being taught to care about how I look, but not too much. Be smart, but not too much. Care about myself, but not too much. Everything was important, but not too much, because if I crossed that line then I would be futile, vulgar or just 'to smart to be likeable'.

My childhood friends, who are still very close friends to this date, used to share this same damaged self-esteem that kept hurting itself more and more with time since before we even knew what self-esteem was. Even before I could come to my own mind about what beauty was, I already knew I didn't have it. Cute, but not enough. Smart, but not enough.

Together we created this self-deprecating bubble from which we could never escape and where we would never be too much of anything. And this went on for years.

With time this became my uncomfortable safety zone, which made me give too much importance to the role of ‘luck’ in my life.

Surely I have a lot of luck and it began on the exact moment, family and social context in which I was born. But there's a lot of things that I unfairly pinned to luck because I couldn't pin them to my competence.

And that's how I became a woman of luck. Without even noticing I was building this luck with my own hands every single day and, for not noticing, the self-esteem remained stagnant where it was despite all that I was building for myself.

But despite all that I have managed to build comfort in being alone since I was young.

I remember that the first time was when I was 15 and went to the movies by myself without even realizing this wasn't a very common thing to do.

And since I left home at 21 to live in Australia I realized that 'home’ was being with myself. That was when I learnt to keep this home in order, nestle in it and get back to it every time I felt far from myself. And that was also when I learnt how refreshing it is to know with intimacy the joys and the sorrows of being who I am.

But it was only about 7 years ago that I stopped being so lucky and started to recognize my own work, my competence and, dare I say, even a little beauty in myself.

With therapy I learnt to acknowledge the power of self-responsibility - both on the pain and on the joy that we cause. I learnt that everything I have today I built it myself, and a lot more can come out of it if I want to.

And with Brene Brown (yup, the queen) I learnt to let shame open up space to courage, and pay less attention to the criticism depending where they're coming from.

Today I'm still haunted by low self-esteem at times. I'm the photographer who doesn't like herself in any pictures and that feels extremely inappropriate in most situations (even when I play it cool), but all this internal work that I've been doing over the past many years help me climb off this whole each time I fall.

My story with self-esteem is the main reason why I found myself again in the space of photographing other women.

I've documented many women in the past year. Each of them with their own stories, achievements, losses, and moment in life. And if there's one thing that I was able to see in (almost) all of them was a hurt self-esteem. An urgency to look at themselves, facing embarrassment - or even shame. A need to set themselves free from this self-deprecating feeling that can make us hostage if we don't take control over it, and when it does, it doesn't let us leave or expand in any direction. And oh boy, do I get this feeling.

Being able to connect with this and offer a safe space to feel this embarrassment, or shame, to overcome it, to look at yourself, surrender yourself, free yourself and cry if the tears come, is the whole reason why I do what I do. Every. Single. Day.

And I'm not just rewarded with the photos - that make me emotional each time I send out the preview and the whole gallery. But knowing that it was a lot more than taking pictures for an hour and a half. It was an experienced of an expression of self-love that I was able to offer and that will be remembered for years.

Over the last weeks I shot some of these sessions and I always save all the comments and responses I have in a place where I can get back to every time I need to remind myself of my 'why'. Soon I will come back here and share the story of these sessions…

But for now I just wanted to say to all of you who already had your pictures taken by me: I thank you wholeheartedly for your trust - not only on my work, but on trusting me to share all the little joyful and painful pieces of being who you are. It means the world.

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